In April of 2016, an important meta-analysis was conducted by the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan. Their study looked at 50 years worth of research encompassing 160,000 children on the effects of spanking. The results should at least place a grain of doubt into most people’s minds about the long-term efficacy of spanking.
Spanking, defined as an “open-ended hit on the behind or extremities,” was associated with 13 deleterious outcomes such as general mental health problems and anti-social behavior in adulthood. Not only is spanking ineffective at eliciting immediate compliance for the desired behavior, but it can also be potentially damaging to the child later in life. While these findings are general, they’re in tandem with more specific research on spanking. Simply put, spanking absolutely doesn’t work, and it’s time to make it illegal as France has recently done alongside 51 other countries.
Why We Shouldn’t Spank
Before getting into this, it’s important to note that I am not a parent. I am just looking at this issue from the standpoint of intellectual curiosity. This criticism of spanking shouldn’t be viewed as a diatribe towards parents who might employ that method of punishment. Rather, it’s just a sharing of the research done on this topic combined with my personal thoughts; nothing more, nothing less. This shouldn’t, however, disqualify what I have to say. While there is no rigid, scientific way to raise a child, academic research on parenting styles shouldn’t be smugly dismissed by parents, either.
Abstractly speaking, I can’t really fathom why anyone would want to spank a child. Spanking, as I observe it, is typically done when a child has done something the parent doesn’t like; they wander off at the zoo, yell loudly at a restaurant, mistreat other children at a family reunion, etc. All of these situations could easily justify the use of spanking along with a verbal lashing to a lot of parents. When I say “a lot,” I mean it: a 2012 survey revealed that about 70% of Americans agree that children sometimes need a “good, hard spanking.”
Why are children, who are completely defenseless and dependent, okay to hit when we’re displeased with their unruly behavior? Certainly, that wouldn’t be acceptable behavior on a fully functioning adult in any circumstance. If your significant other were doing something you didn’t like, you’d probably at least talk to them about it; resorting to “open-handed hits” would undoubtedly prompt legal trouble.
If it’s not okay to strike an adult with a fully developed brain cognizant of its surroundings, why, then, should it ever be okay to strike a child? These are the sorts of internal questions I can’t wrap my head around when thinking about this issue. Most children implicitly trust their parents; they provide their food, shelter, and a general sense of comfort and security. When they “misbehave,” perhaps they’re just communicating their displeasure in the best way they know how given their limited vocabulary and cognition. The outbursts might appear to be irrational and unseemly, yet they’re actually perfectly rational and appropriate in the mind of a child who doesn’t know how to otherwise communicate their displeasure. I’m generalizing on a hypothetical situation, but research also corroborates this.
Realizing Relationships
The formative years, which typically means from birth to around age 8, are vital for brain development. It’s been determined that about 90% of brain capacity develops before the age of 5 with the most critical time being between birth and 3. The role experience plays in the process of brain development is profound; our brains are very malleable and can be molded, so to speak, by environmental influences. As an article from Paediatrics and Child Health explained:
“The billions of neurons in the brain have the same genetic coding, but as the brain develops through experience in early life, neurons differentiate through specific gene activation. Experience also affects the formation of the connections (synapses) among neurons to establish pathways for the different hierarchies of brain function. These pathways govern or control our intellectual, emotional, psychological, physiological and physical responses to what we do every day.”
These are called epigenetic processes which means “above” or “on top of.” They alter the physical structure of DNA and can literally turn genes on and off depending on certain environmental factors. In fact, Dr. Jean-Pierre Issa, director of the Fels Institute for Cancer Research and Molecular Biology and a professor at Temple University, has claimed that epigenetic changes are more of a factor in cancers than genetic changes.
I’m only bringing this up because it helps lay the groundwork for how we understand correlations between early experiences and future behaviors. Yes, correlation doesn’t equal causation, but you’d be hard-pressed to find direct causation with anything in public health. Very few social issues have a singular, straightforward causation. Instead, they’re full of individual bricks, and it’s the job of sociologists, public health experts, and other individuals more qualified than I to apply mortar and erect a building.
A more helpful term for addressing this is preconditions which are mostly defined as “a condition that must be fulfilled before other things can happen or be done” (Joseph, p. 357). In sociology, this term is used in a public health context where population outcomes are considered. An example of this would be the link between unemployment and child maltreatment. The precondition, unemployment, is correlated to child maltreatment. Of course, unemployment can’t be said to literally cause child maltreatment, but there is a “statistical correlation between the condition of unemployment and chain reactions linked to it” (Joseph, p.7). I think most will get the gist of my little preamble, so let’s dive into the specific research regarding spanking (a type of precondition) and see if it correlates to anything positive.
Spanking and Behavior
As stated above, the first five years of life are arguably the most critical times in our lives. It’s not only a matter of “should” we spank, but it’s also a matter of “when” we spank. When we spank might have more of an impact during these years than in any other times as a study in the National Institutes of Health looked at. The study looked at the associations of spanking with 3 outcomes — externalizing behavior problems, internalizing behavior problems, and cognitive skills — over the first five years of a child’s life.
They found that spanking was associated with higher levels of future externalizing and internalizing behavior problems. Spanking also potentially escalates behavioral issues instead of increasing the control of a child’s behavior; the exact opposite of what a parent is hoping to achieve. This is because spanking promotes what the researchers call a “cyclical pattern of negative parent-child interactions.” In other words, spanking doesn’t dissuade the child from their problematic behaviors.
The researchers decided, however, to give advice to parents who spank at such a young age:
“On the whole, then, our behavior problems results suggest that interventions that encourage parents who spank their children at young ages to discontinue this practice may help to diminish the likelihood that children will develop or continue to exhibit problem behaviors. By providing parents with alternative strategies for disciplining their children, practitioners may have the potential to better help parents control the problem behaviors that are likely to elicit spanking in the first place.”
Spanking and Overall Health
A study from the journal Pediatrics that looked at survey data from 35,000 adults found a correlation between physical punishment and worsening mental health in adult life. They also found that about 2-7% of the mental health disorders from the studies population was attributed to physical punishment. This study corroborates the meta-analysis study mentioned at the beginning of this post. Again, this doesn’t mean that spanking literally causes mental illness or that a child spanked will always be worse off psychologically; it’s merely pointing out an association.
On a more general level, spanking can have some adverse, external effects as well. Murray Straus, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of New Hampshire, elucidated this well during an interview discussing his co-authored book ‘The Primordial Violence’:
“Moreover, the research clearly shows that the gains from spanking come at a big cost. These include weakening the tie between children and parents and increasing the probability that the child will hit other children and their parents and, as adults, hit a dating or marital partner. Spanking also slows down mental development and lowers the probability of a child doing well in school.”
There are always unintended consequences from any social action performed; nothing is done in a vacuum. Going back to the concept of preconditions, we can see how spanking or physical abuse can rear its ugly head later on in life. Someone under the prospect of a costly divorce or possible jail time because they suddenly struck their wife/husband probably doesn’t understand why they did it. Rarely, though, would they make the connection to being spanked as a child. Again, to blame it solely on spanking would, of course, be ridiculous, but this link in the chain of causality shouldn’t be dismissed.
Conclusively, we just know too much about spankings possible detrimental effects. As another article in the National Institutes of Health made clear: spanking is ineffective, engenders more aggression, offers less long-term compliance, violates Article 19 of the Convention on the Rights of the Child, and is a form of violence. The author’s conclusion is worth quoting verbatim:
“We now have enough research to conclude that spanking is ineffective at best and harmful to children at worst. We also know that a range of professional and human rights organizations condemn the practice and urge parents to use alternative forms of discipline. We thus have research-based and human rights-based reasons for not spanking our children.
But there is a third reason not to spank our children, and that is a moral one. Although most Americans do not like to call it so, spanking is hitting and hitting is violence. By using the euphemistic term spanking, parents feel justified in hitting their children while not acknowledging that they are, in fact, hitting. We as a society have agreed that hitting is not an effective or acceptable way for adults to resolve their differences, so it should not be a surprise that hitting children, like hitting adults, causes more problems than it solves. It is time to stop hitting our children in the name of discipline.”
These research and morally-oriented findings are the main reasons why I think it’s time the US becomes the 53rd country to ban spanking. Concerns of this causing our kids to become more entitled or less respectful to authority are mostly baseless conjecture. We’ve been condemning youth for these same things for thousands of years (see Adam Conover’s comedic lecture for more on this), yet the human race lives on! Most of these accusations of entitlement and the like are either exaggerated or merely describing the normal process of growing up (Cornell University has a decent PowerPoint presentation about differentiating normal and abnormal aggression in kids/teens).
Conditional vs. Unconditional
I’m only emphasizing spanking because it still seems to be the most contentious issue regarding punishments for children. This isn’t going to be my only focus, though. Instead, I want to broaden the subject to include all forms of aggressive, hostile parenting or, as it’s sometimes called, conditional parenting. I was introduced to this term in Alfie Kohn’s book ‘Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.’ Alfie is the author of 14 books that mostly center around social criticisms of competition, the education system, and how we view/treat children. He often lectures at a variety of universities and is well-respected in the academic community.
Conditional parenting is an approach that means “children must earn it [love] by acting in ways we deem appropriate, or by performing up to our standards.” This is contrasted with unconditional parenting which “doesn’t hinge on how they [children] act, whether they’re successful or well-behaved or anything else (Kohn, p.10-11).”
Another helpful way of comparing these two parenting styles is looking at their focus. Conditional parenting’s primary focus is behavioral: it has a pessimistic view of human nature, relies on rewards and punishments (or “doing to”), and thinks parental affection is something to be earned. Unconditional parenting, though, employs a more positive view: it has a favorable (neutral could work, too) perspective of human nature, uses problem-solving (or “working with”) techniques for dealing with behavior, and parental affection is a gift (Kohn, p. 19).
The Conditional Parents
Imagine a family has a 3-year-old daughter named Kaylee and every Sunday night they have a tradition of watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. The whole family enjoys this program, and it provides a temporary distraction from the reality of having to go to work/school the next morning. A few hours before its start time, however, Kaylee decided to throw a temper tantrum at the store. She kicked, wailed, and generally made the shopping trip unnecessarily stressful. This is obviously not socially acceptable behavior, so they enact punishment by banishing her to her room while everyone else continues to watch.
That would be the conditional parenting style of punishment. Kaylee wasn’t compliant with their expectations, so they took away something she likes. Another name for this is love withdrawal: a tactic that mostly utilizes time-outs and confinement. While this may seem like a harmless, efficient way to “teach kids a lesson” so they behave better in the future, that claim has yet to be demonstrated by any evidence. Not only is this method ineffective at doing what it hopes to accomplish (foster acquiescence on a child), it communicates a very negative message to the child: “If you don’t do what I want, you’ll be forced to suffer as punishment.”
We don’t know all of the emotional complexities of Kaylee’s decision to throw a tantrum at the store. Why did she decide to throw a tantrum at the store even though she’s ordinarily well-behaved? The conditional parent views a child’s action in a vacuum and treats them as if they’re rational decision makers. The child isn’t complying with your expectations; therefore, punishment ensues. Easy. Simple. Straight to the point.
The Unconditional Parents
An alternative approach to Kaylee’s situation would be to continue the day as usual. Even after the tantrum at the store, the unconditional parents would still watch the TV program that night. This doesn’t mean they’d let her misbehave in public and act like nothing happened; that wouldn’t address the problem either. Instead, the parents realize the problem is inside, not outside. Something is going on internally that she cannot adequately express.
Perhaps Kaylee felt she wasn’t getting enough attention because her parents were too busy shopping. Mom and dad would understandably keep constant tabs on a 3-year-old at home or at a park, but with her secured in the cart, that need dissipates. As summed up by Alfie Kohn:
“Children are not pets to be trained, nor are they computers, programmed to respond predictably to an input. They act this way rather than that way for many different reasons, some of which may be hard to tease apart. But we can’t just ignore those reasons and respond only to the [behaviors] (p.15)”
The analogy of a computer is very helpful in understanding how the conditional parent thinks. If their child displays behavior they deem aberrant, then it becomes necessary to “re-program” that behavior, usually via spanking, isolation or some other form of aggressive punishment. I don’t think parents do this maliciously; most probably believe that enacting conditional parenting methods is the only way to teach their kids a proper lesson. However, as is pointed out by Unconditional Parenting, this isn’t the case.
Taken from pages 119-136 of Alfie’s book, there are 12 general principles of unconditional parenting. Incorporating these will instill healthier attitudes in parents minds while ultimately improving society as a whole. In the spirit of trying to keep this post from becoming too verbose, I’ll condense it down to a few bullet points.
- Contemplate what causes certain emotional states like anger, impatience, or love when your child does something.
- Ask yourself if your demands of a child are within reasonable expectations of their abilities.
- View your child’s misbehavior as a problem to be solved, not an act deserving punishment.
- Never forget respect: respecting children in nearly the same way you treat an adult is imperative.
- Do your best to not interrupt your child during a conversation, belittle their feelings, or trivialize their fears. I’m often surprised how frequently parents do these things as if it’s no big deal.
At the end of the day, the most important idea for unconditional parenting is to keep their child’s age in mind! This, in my view, is the most pertinent point made in the book about conceptualizing unconditional parenting. Conditional parents tend to hold unreasonably high expectations of their child. Kids, especially under 8, fidget, are loud, and tend to overreact to minuscule changes in their environment: to hold them responsible for this behavior is “fundamentally inappropriate” (Kohn, p.130).
Concessions
Again, and I cannot say stress this enough, this shouldn’t be viewed as me perched on an ivory tower damning any parent who dares to do anything I deem wrong. I am not a parent, and I can fully empathize with their daily struggles. No one wants to come home after a long day of work to a screaming child or fight for their compliance while trying to enjoy a meal. I’ve been in the vicinity of screaming, unruly children before and I can feel my own blood pressure rise even though he/she has nothing to do with me.
I am also not saying spanking kids or administering conditional parenting methods will automatically induce all of the harmful effects listed above. Nevertheless, what they are is inauspicious reactions that have been researched to have no benefit. This is why the “I was spanked, and I’m fine” bromide is also unhelpful. Yes, you might be or feel fine according to your mental self-assessment, but that means very little when a systemic view is considered. Bottom line: something has to be done differently, and I think the principles laid forth in Alfie’s book could be a catalyst for positive change.